I have this theory. The salient part of the theory is that life is an ice cream sundae.
That’s also the most important part of the theory. Regardless of which toppings are present, or what flavor is in the bowl, your life is a pile of ice cream with extra goodies.
The other key part of the theory is that men (in my case) are the whipped cream in this sundae. I quite like whipped cream. But to make my ice cream sundae better than it would be otherwise it had better be some top notch, hand whipped, heavy duty cream with a touch of cinnamon and Madagascan vanilla bean. Because I’m going to eat that amazing sundae every single day, with or without whipped cream. If you’re not adding something to the bowl I’ve got cherries and sprinkles and caramel and maybe the odd gummy bear or, like, a cookie.
In the UK whipped cream in a can is called ‘squirty cream’ which is fantastic and we will refer to it as such from this point forward. Squirty cream has its place. Can be lots of fun and gets the job done in a pinch. Mostly doesn’t make your sundae worse unless you leave it too long and it kind of melts into a film… which is the argument for squirty cream men. They have their place. But mandatory sundae topping they are not. Priority additions must contribute to a dessert more than the sum of it’s ingredients.
You don’t leave a perfectly lovely sundae to turn into soup for lack of whipped cream. You grab a spoon and lick the bowl. And when that really great, perfect swirl of cream-of-the-crop whipped topping comes along, your sundae is that much sweeter.
I’m not turning down a bowl of strawberry ice cream with no toppings at all either. Eat up.