There is something so incredibly satisfying about being in a room with like-minded people. It’s the reason people start clubs, and families form traditions. And with those of us with an eye for class, manners, and decorum there’s nothing we like better than finding those with that same eye and practicing what we know to be the best way to look and behave in various situations. Oftentimes we purposely go to places and associate with people where we know this will be the case, but there are times when that is simply impossible.

Depending on your workplace, you really have no control over the people you work with and have to find a way to deal with the fact that they don’t understand the importance of dressing to your body type, sending thank you notes, or that no one should leave their house in, or admit to owning, Crocs. This can also be the case at family events that you are socially obligated to attend with the full knowledge that you can’t wear your best dress without the possibility of upstaging someone, or bring your best purse because of the very real chance that someone is going to spill alcohol on you.

While some people may see these situations and realities as a sign that adhering to a credo that no one notices is pointless, and give in to the frustration, and start wearing polyester and strappy sandals with unpainted toes, a truly classy woman will not. Because to really be classy it can’t be something you put on and take off, it’s a part of you and all that you do.

Someone else’s lack of manners is in no way an excuse for you not to display them any more than you would jump off of that proverbial cliff your mother was talking about. While classiness is a feminine quality, and can be attained by any woman who considers it important, it is also very much about being an individual, and it often takes a strong individual to be exactly the kind of woman she wants to be all of the time. (If I swear at the other cars when there’s no one else in my car, did it really happen?) This does not mean that you should sacrifice fine Italian leather to every rum and coke that happens along, but don’t let the circumstances you find yourself in ever keep you from being yourself.

There is nothing wrong with being the woman that others look up to.

That said, don’t repeat your anthem of class so frequently inside your head that you can’t enjoy a beer with your cousins, or indulge in casual Friday with your co-workers. Just be the prettiest one there.