No Such Thing

What I am about to say will either confirm everything you’ve ever wondered about the world, or bring it crashing down. That’s right, get some tea or something. Epiphany moment. Right here.

There’s no such thing as an “adult”.

Doesn’t exist. Complete fabrication by the pharmaceutical companies to ascertain appropriate dosage. Entirely inappropriate label otherwise.


Everyone thinks they’re so cool and mature when they say they are doing something like a “grown-up”, which, of course, implies that you are not and they are better than you. I am not saying that I have not employed this tactic myself. Honestly, it is usually my less harsh version of indicating that I find someone too stupid to converse with. But this does not mean there is any validity to the term.

We are all just children with money and shame. Go watch children playing and marvel at the truth of this. Or don’t, because that’s kind of creepy. Dating feels like kindergarten because it is. We’re just dressed better (hopefully) and have a slightly more varied diet.

This does not mean that there is not something to be said for ageing. Over time we gain subtlety. We need less to be going on because we see so much more in the same moments and things. It is not just a dress; it’s silk, and tailored, and hugs one curve while skimming over another. Someone didn’t just make you a sandwich; they thought about your needs and what you like and took time out of their life to please and care for you, and you appreciate that.

This also can mean we are a bit more fragile and a bit more defensive, and the natural consequence is that we don’t need to hit to let someone know we want to hurt them. We have lies and insults and betrayal for that.

Yes, we mature into more complex people, but some parts take much longer than others and certain individuals need space to be five years old sometimes. Parents don’t know how to solve every problem. World leaders and nations are not immune to threats or offence. We are all making it up as we go. Trying to be ‘adult’ is the best we can hope for.

Fiscal Responsibility is Sexy

Not everything is about money. There is even a fair argument that money can’t give you any of the things in life worth having: happiness, validation, love. But as long as money is the currency of choice to bring certain material things into your life- shelter, food, one shoulder silk ball gowns and patent leather pumps- we are going to have to pay attention to how we use it.

Like the things it buys, money can very easily disappear if you aren’t aware of how it works and how to use it to your best advantage. It is equal parts tempting and terrifying to imagine yourself in a Becky Bloomwood state of existence, but “overdraft” is a really bad word, and we need to treat it like one.


It sounds glamorous and fabulous to spend money on what you want, when you want it, and there is something luscious about indulging your see, want, have impulses, BUT what is really sexy, and classy, and sophisticated is a credit score over 700. If you budget your income, and don’t spend money that you don’t have then one day you can do awesome things like buy a house and pay off loans for education and business endeavors. And when you use your credit card frequently and responsibly other companies offer you more credit cards, which you don’t even have to use, but having tens of thousands of dollars of credit available to you does allow for some pretty detailed run-away-to-foreign-countries-and-drink-and-dance-and-eat fantasies. Not to mention the whole perk of being able to suddenly buy a car, if you had to, should you find yourself stranded in Costa Rica.

All of these things will make your bank manager really happy (and probably encourage him to be very nice to you) but they will actually make you happier, too. You will have circumvented the stress of not knowing if you have enough to pay for the essentials, financial independence can easily support all of the other important kinds of independence, and the guys who matter will find it hotter than being able to change a tire.

Obviously it’s nice to have friends and family on hand to take care of you, but even they will like you much better if they don’t always have to buy your lunch because you’ve spent your entire paycheck on pink champagne and three different colors of the same ballet flat. And you will find that when you do organize your money intelligently that you find yourself with a bit of extra for that amazing bag that is going to last forever. Or even that epic vacation, with the eating and drinking, without having to apply for welfare when you get home.

Fiscal responsibility is not the first thing that most people think of when you think of sexy personality traits, but it’s one of those long run, even after those laugh lines become permanent, sort of admirable qualities. Knowing what you’re spending does not mean never spending any of your money, but doing it thoughtfully, with grace and confidence. So sexy.