The Superbowl for Girls


Since this year’s Superbowl was obviously orchestrated with girls in mind- all we know is Beyonce wins – I was inspired to remind the ladies why we are still sitting in front of the TV for the last two quarters. The only things I know, and the only things I need to know about the 49ers and the Ravens are as follows:

1. The Ravens clearly have the most modern and on trend uniform color and design. The 49ers clearly took photogenicism into consideration in their fabric choice.

2. The Ravens quarterback, Joe Flacco, has a much cuter face; while 49ers quarterback, Colin Kaepernick has pretty insane abs, but you have to be into tattoos.

3. Ray Rice and his daughter Rayven on the field before the game. I mean, really. Image

4. Downton Abbey is on right after.

Monday Night Football for Girls

ImageI was suddenly inspired by tonight’s uber fascinating Bears vs. Cowboys game when some brilliant stats person put up some quarterback info that I was paying a whole lot of attention to. Or maybe I only looked at the TV to confirm that all the guys were wearing bright pink in support of boobs, and was struck by the love rhombus going on, that I’m pretty sure not enough people know about.  

Some of you might be wondering what a “love rhombus” is, but it’s really not that complicated. You all know what love triangles are. Use your imagination. 

Now, we have Tony Romo who used to date Jessica Simpson until all of Dallas thought she was a football curse and he broke up with her on her birthday. Then he met Chace Crawford (from Gossip Girl) ‘s sister Candace and they fell in love and had a baby named Hawkins.

Jessica Simpson went on to get knocked up by her surprisingly smart boyfriend Eric Johnson, who also played football on TV, while they were waiting for his divorce to finalize. They named their baby girl Maxwell Drew. If you’re lost, don’t worry, this comes full circle.

Jessica Simpson used to be married to Nick Lachey, but now they’re not after they had an MTV reality show, which is ironically the same company that used to employ Vanessa Minnillo, who Nick is married to now. They also just had a baby together, named Camden John. 

And even though that is kind of a stupid name, Jay Cutler, our other quarterback man, and his wife Kristen Cavallari (from Laguna Beach and The Hills) just named their newborn son Camden Jack. There’s some discussion of whether she got pregnant on purpose so that he would stop leaving her, but this rhombus has enough issues. As do all of these children. Could make for a really interesting play date though.

I may have just succeeded in making football interesting for girls. There’s even a chance I would accidentally glance at another game. Next issue will be an in depth discussion of the best biceps on the field.