Tag: DVR

DVR-BF

remote-control-woman

I’m not saying that I want someone who I’m with to change an unreasonable amount to accommodate me, but if they could come equipped with features not entirely dissimilar from my DVR that would be kind of great.

Whoever decided that abandoning all of the carefully honed habits that you cultivate into perfection as an individual, and reordering your life’s priorities to put a person your brain would like to share parts with at the top, was romantic, is more than mildly delusional. Why did I figure out what I like if I don’t get to do it anymore?

But someone who saves up all of the things you have previously decided you’re interested in hearing about so that you can choose (in small doses) convenient segments to spend time with them. Moments that you can fully commit to, that you can plan around the rest of the pieces of your life. Now there is something I can get on board with. A relationship that is all about the best, pre-sorted parts of each other, with reminders when important issues have been in the queue for too long, might be the key to lasting monogamy in our On Demand world.

Obviously every relationship would then have one person in the box and the other with the remote, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. There’s always going to be a power dynamic, this way there are simply actual batteries. Considering the alternative relationship involving batteries, it’s my personal opinion that DVR boyfriend would be preferable.

Everything else in my life has power switches and privacy settings and notifications, why not my entire romantic life? If anyone finds a guy who seems to have a lot in common with a cable box, please, tell him to get in touch.

Life is just like ‘Friends’

I’m in LA, with my lovely job that everyone is either jealous of or proud of me for getting,  and having odd run-ins with exceptionally strange strangers. What more could a type A, over-achieving, know-it-all, perky, smiley, girl like myself want out of life? If you answered anything other than an apartment – you are wrong. I need to not be homeless to complete my bubble of happiness.

And thus started the apartment search. I was met with the assurance that life is just like “Friends” and anytime you are in need of advice you should refer to their genius. Devout follower of TV that I am, this seemed like sound advice. You don’t stay on the air for a decade by spouting crap. Or at least without balancing out the crap with some applicable knowledge. Which leads us to Ugly Naked Guy. In one episode Ross decides that he wants Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment, and sees that it is going to take some wooing. He sends a muffin basket as an offer of peace and in hopes that their magic muffiny-ness will endear him enough to turn over his lease.

Lucky for me (and I really have been blessed with more than my fair share of luck in the past couple of months) I settled on an exceptionally lovely room with roommates that provided the licorice wands. And I can honestly say that the addition of candy to the negotiations drastically affected the outcome. Also, very happy to be on the receiving end.

Of course, now that I’ve managed to fulfill my professional and housing dreams my family’s first response was “Now all you need is a boyfriend!” Ugh. Can’t make them happy for trying. Unless my knight in shining armor rides his white horse onto the lot, bribes my boss, and brings a chai latte in his saddlebags to keep me awake, that part of my perfect life is going to have to wait until I work less. Or stop sleeping. Whichever. First order of business is making sure I have a bed when I move into my new place. Accomplishing that will be huge in my little universe. I’m not quite as co-dependent as Rachel – why the girl couldn’t just be thrilled with a job at Ralph Lauren is beyond me.

I have to say that one of the things I’m most excited about is my new HD DVR that is getting set up this weekend. I’ve never had a DVR before and, considering my television obsession, and my job, I’m fairly certain it’s going to change my life. I might possibly be more excited about it than the new sheets I got. And I really really like new sheets. Monica would totally approve.

I will think of Joey when I am convincing myself of the virtues of pizza as a food group. Somehow I expect it is going to feature prominently in my life as I become less interested in making something scrumptious and more obsessed with eating immediately.

My most Phoebe-esque moment of the recent past was the one day it was raining in L.A. I had been out of my car, with my uber-stylish umbrella for about 25 seconds when an SUV pulled over to the side of the road next to me, in the middle of Ventura Blvd., rolled down the window and said, “I love your umbrella. It looks good on you.” Thank you? The couple then pulled back into traffic. Is any umbrella really that cute?

I realize I didn’t mention any similarities to Chandler. I’m pretty sure that the longer that’s true the better I’m doing. But there are definitely worse ways to deal with life than watching Friends for a little inspiration.